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How to Avoid Your New Trier Friends When They Want You to Join Their Pyramid Scheme

Thanksgiving break is the perfect time to get your mind off of school and catch up with your family and maybe even old friends from high school. Some of these friends might tell you about their classes and internships next summer, but others might try to inspire you to join their journey to success through a multi-level marketing agency, or to most people, a pyramid scheme. Follow these tips to successfully avoid your friend who’s trying to get you to join their pyramid scheme.

5.) Tell Them You Joined A Different, Much Better Pyramid Scheme:

Selling makeup is so 2016, it’s all about skincare products now. Tell them your other friend got to you first and you practically threw your wallet at them because the opportunity was just way too good and illegal to pass up. Your friend will be so offended that you’re betraying her that she’ll just stop talking to you altogether.

4.) Scoff At The Product They’re Selling While Choking Back Vomit:

Does anyone actually buy that wrapping your stomach in glorified saran wrap is going to help you lose weight? Well, yes, your annoying friend does, and she can’t stop talking about it. Tell her your true feelings on her bogus, failed Shark Tank product and make her so angry that she moves on to scamming another friend into her pyramid scheme. Just try to not vomit on them after that pretentious scoff of yours.

3.) Tell Them It’s Against Your Religion:

While your community college friend was at home spending his infinite amount of free time selling meal replacement shakes to his dad’s friends, you were away from home getting your degree. Since he knows nothing about your life at college, he won’t ask any questions when you tell him you joined an obscure new religion that has a strict “no pyramid schemes” policy. “The God With 100 Eyes” or whatever will be extremely upset anyway.

2.) Hook Up With Their Significant Other Who They Love Less Than Their Pyramid Scheme:

Sure this may be a total dick move, but they’re really annoying so who cares. Since the only things they ever post about are their pyramid scheme and their off-brand gold digger bae, it’ll be easy to find out who the  lucky sex toy is, and how to contact them. Slide into their DMs and seduce them by talking about literally anything but a pyramid scheme and before you know it they’ll be in your bed. Sure, this may ruin a friendship, but at least you won’t have to buy more knives from Vector Marketing.

1.) Block Them On Facebook And Then Create a New Account to Bully them On:

As soon as someone joins a pyramid scheme, they practically become a stay-at-home suburban mom spending all day on Facebook. Block them and then create a new account dedicated to spamming their events to get back at them for being annoying. Once they realize your name isn’t on their invite list anymore they might finally leave you alone and you can stupidly spend your money somewhere else.

Avoiding a friend is never easy, but when someone joins a pyramid scheme that becomes the only important thing to them. Use these tips to avoid feeling the need to join the scheme out of pure awkwardness.

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