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Bartender of The Week: Michael from Cly’s

Name: Michael “Zurk” Mazurkiewicz
Instagram Handle: @_zuzu87
Bar: Cly’s
Relationship Status: Asexual
Major: Political Science
Favorite Drink: Jägerbomb
Favorite Shot: Flu Shot
Disgusting Drink: Slurp Juice

What’s the most disrespectful thing someone’s done in Cly’s?:  
Hand me $2.18 for a round of drinks and run away.

Describe Summer Champaign in three words:
Townies. Townies. Townies. 

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in Cly’s lost & found box this year?:
An open can of baked beans with a condom inside.

Without naming names, which of your friends is an annoying lil’ needledick?:
Tam Shomas.

If Cly’s hermit crabbed into another UIUC building, which would be the best fit?:
Noyes Laboratory: dark, iconic, and smells a little off.

Whilst tending bar, what like, instantly pisses you off?:
Drunk kids trying to be sneaky and steal drinks while I’m pouring them. 

If U of I were a video game, what level would Cly’s be, and what’s the boss at the end?:  
Cly’s is kind of like a mix of Tilted Towers and Moisty Mire. The final boss would have to be Champaign’s finest: Jason Reda.

How do you vanquish said boss?:
Tickle him.

Why should people read The Black Sheep?:
“Just do it.” – Shia Labeouf.


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