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Benevolent Pledge Master Implements Safe Word for Fraternity Rituals

The member education committee of the Sigma Alpha Phi Fraternity has been lauded by their nationals as trailblazers after their committee head started implementing safe words into the fraternity’s historic rituals.

The pledge master of Sigma Alpha Phi, Tanner Full, explained why it was time to bring some new life into his fraternity’s rituals that date back to the mid-19th century.

“These rituals have been around since the dinosaurs, and I noticed that the pledges weren’t responding well to some of the stuff we had them do,” said Full. “One such ritual that our founding fathers started involved us hitting pledges with bamboo reeds. After three pledges dropped and made wild accusations of ‘battery’ and ‘assault,’ I knew it was time for a change. So now anytime a pledge feels uncomfortable, they can say ‘pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis’ and we’ll know to tone it down a little.”

Despite widespread praise within the fraternity at both the local and national level, the current pledge class of Sigma Alpha Phi feels that while it’s a step in the right direction, it’s not enough. President of the Alpha Beta class, Jeremy Gerkin, had this to say about the safe word:

“It seems like a sincere thing on the surface but it’s pretty hard to sputter out a 40-plus letter word when you’re getting waterboarded,” Gerkin muttered. “It’s also pretty hard to use a safe word when Drowning Pool’s “Bodies” has been blaring for the past three hours. But hey, we’re almost done with pledgeship, and at this point I’d rather endure a little more hell than be a geed for the rest of my life.”

More information on the new safety measures at SAP can be found on their website, www.iswearwearentpussies\SAPUIUC.org

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