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Block At Lion All Bottom House Frat Guy Wants for Christmas

Dean Haverton, President of Beta Omicron Tau Fraternity, has reportedly put Block as the only thing on his Christmas list this year, after drastically paring down a list that consisted of almost exclusively Patagonia and North Face clothing. Haverton explained that even though he was unlikely to get Block at Red Lion, let alone Block anywhere next year, he still had hope.

“As president of my fraternity, it’s time I showed some leadership and proved to the guys that I’m all about the house,” Dean enthusiastically said. “I’ve slid in to nearly each sorority’s Twitter DMs but have yet to get a response besides the one from @PhiBeta_UIUC that kept asking me if I was being serious. I can take the rejection because the prospect of Block sure as hell beats actually catching up on sleep on the weekends or watching our football team lose in person instead of just on TV.”

On top of the Twitter assault, Dean has also made an impassioned post on the University of Illinois Panhellenic Council’s Facebook page, pleading for “any sorority” to Block with his fraternity next year. Rodney Stein, social external chair of Beta Omicron Tau showed little support for his president’s plan.

“Maybe this doesn’t carry as much weight since I’m Jewish, but there’s no such thing as Santa or Christmas miracles, so there’s no point of even trying. Even with how wild of a year this has been, I don’t see us getting Block,” Stein noted. “And even if we did, we’d be more out of place blocking at Lion than the visiting ISU kids.”

Beta Omicron Tau has formally asked several sororities to Block, after choosing the first houses that showed up on Greek Rank when sorting them by popularity in ascending order. Gamma Kappa Kappa’s Lindsey Rhodes, one of the sororities in contention for Block with BOT next fall, expressed reservations about choosing them.

“Look, they’re sweet guys, but if we can’t climb socially by Blocking with them, then what’s even the point? Plus, it’s not like we haven’t been asked by other fraternities; when you’re on a campus with over twice as many frats than sororities, even girls like us can swindle free drinks from bros on Saturday mornings,” remarked Lindsey.

Delta Sigma Tau’s rainbows and butterflies chair Becky Anderson felt that BOT’s Block-posal left much to be desired.

“Yeah, like these guys were barely even dancing for us and they weren’t even cute,” Becky gaffed. “Not to mention that these guys got us a cookie cake from friggin’ Walmart. You think we can’t tell the difference between this shit and the good stuff from Mrs. Field’s? If these guys really wanted Block they’d be pulling out all the stops for us.”

With the odds stacked heavily against him, Dean is certainly faced with an uphill battle, insofar as the hill is nearly vertical.

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