If you’re drinking Johnnie Walker Red Label Whisky already, chances are you stole it from your dad’s liquor cabinet or you have a kid of your own. While you don’t have the money to be super picky with your whiskey choices just yet, you’ll at least come across as slightly less of a prick than the bro who claims to appreciate fine whiskey and then proceeds to order a Jack and Coke at the bars. If you’re going to go around dressing like a dad, you might as well be drinking like one.
A midlife crisis mixed with the realization that you peaked way too early in life.
Your grandpappy’s Korean War stories and the abundant racial slurs that he sprinkles in throughout them.
– Your grandma, who is a heavy smoker who carries a rifle with her everywhere.
– Uppity little shits who think that they’re better than everyone else.
– Guys who shop exclusively at Tommy Bahama.
– “Wow, this is really making going through my third divorce a lot more bearable.”
– “Jesus Christ, how the hell did my life come to this?”
– “I don’t see the issue with having one glass of whiskey with my breakfast, Debra.”
– “Can we hurry this up? I’ve got a tee time!”
You’ll Like This if You Like:
Hating yourself. Seriously, nothing says self-loathing like a whiskey on the rocks.
Best Described as an Alcohol Superior To:
What everyone else on campus is drinking. You’re hot shit, kid.
What the Frat Bro at Block Would Say If He Saw You Drinking This:
“Whoa, my dad drinks Johnnie Walker too! Hopefully I don’t disappoint you as much as I’ve already disappointed my old man. I like your Hawaiian shirt, by the way.”
We Mixed It With:
The concoction of medications that you take in order to keep your cholesterol down and your dick up.