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Booze Review: Viniq Shimmery Liqueur

Today’s liqueur technology, which is just food dye and edible glitter, allows you to make yourself a galaxy-esque cocktail, because apparently galaxy leggings weren’t taking it too far. Viniq Shimmery Liqueur is the perfect shot to take as you’re meditating with the rose quartz you bought from Earthbound Trading Co. A few shots in, you’re ready to throw on your printed flared pants and take on the night.

 Grade: A

Smells Like:
Getting rejected because your signs aren’t compatible.

 Tastes Like:
When your friend dared you to chase citrus-flavored vodka with straight food dye.

 Typical Users:
– People with a Hamsa tattoo on the back of their neck.
– Your roommate who has a tapestry from Urban Outfitters on every wall of their bedroom.
– People who still say “aesthetic.”
– The person who just bought a gram off you.
– People who advertise their depression in their Instagram bio.

 User Comments:
– “Yeah, I can name five Lana Del Rey songs.”
– “I need a sugar daddy to take me to Coachella.”
– “Positive vibes only.”
– “Have you looked at your horoscope yet today?”

 Best Described As A Drink Superior To:
Every opaque-colored drink you mixed in your “I should be a bartender” phase.

 My Tarot Card Reading Said I Shouldn’t Drink This. What Should I Do?:
Well, unless you want the evil spirits to wreak havoc on you, we guess you shouldn’t drink it. Your loss.

 Wh–
“Honestly, like, it didn’t even hurt when I got my septum pierced.”

 In Which Moon Phase Will This Get Me The Most Drunk?:
Based off the astronomy class I took for a Gen Ed requirement and got a C in, I’d have to go with Waning Gibbous.

We Mixed It With:
Incense, sage, and enough candles to perform a pagan ritual.

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