UIUC junior Katarzyna Gogol made a sizable sacrifice after she received a push notification on her phone to pop her birth control but inadvertently dropped it down the plastic straw to her large Polar Cap from Espresso Royale.
“I just drank the whole damn thing,” Gogol said proudly. “I’m gonna have the shits in my econ lecture later, but it’s all worth it so my long-distance boyfriend can fuck me raw the next time he visits.”
Sources say Gogol’s act of bravery showcases the sort of feminism young college females are seeking in this day and age.
“There’s clear prejudice in abundance against women in the news right now,” said Melanie Akufo, an employee at Espresso Royale. “But, seeing that girl chug that large Polar Cap that damn fast was a needed reminder that women are resilient and will prosper even despite the American legal system being built to cheat them of justice after being victims of sexual violence. I feel more comfortable in my own skin now than ever.”
Moreover, Gogol’s brave action is causing even headass men to change their outlooks on feminism and appreciate the things women do for their male counterparts.
“I think most girls would’ve stuck that Polar Cap in their fridge to sip intermittently over the course of the next few days,” said Tim Begley, a headass man. “But, my perspective has changed now on feminism. That girl is braver than our troops.”
Gogol is an American hero. She’ll definitely have the shits in her 3:30 econ lecture, but fortunately, she sits in front of an incorrigible, misogynistic dude.
Oh Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame: