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Breaking: Every Girl In UIUC Sorority Has Suddenly Developed A Gluten Allergy

The women of Kappa Sigma Sigma haven’t just sync up their Aunt Flow. Every sister living in the house has seemingly, and mysteriously, developed a gluten allergy.

Science has proven that women’s bodies sync up like hormonal clocks when they are living in close quarters for an extended period of time. The prime location for this phenomenon to happen is in a sorority house, just like UIUC’s very own chapter, Kappa Sigma Sigma.

Tasha Barista, who is infamous for her gluten allergy, is suspected of infecting the rest of the sorority with her sensitivity to gluten.

“I think it started when other girls in the house were stealing my gluten-free snacks when they got home from the bars,” revealed Barista, who was developing a rash we can only assume is the result of gluten. “They’re all jealous of how skinny my dietary needs keep me.”

A few weeks after school began, the entire sorority started getting violently sick every time they ate. A few doctor’s visits confirmed gluten allergies, which prompted the rest of the house to get tested.

In a shocking plot twist, a few sisters came together to reveal their theory of just how everyone came to be gluten-free.

“We think it’s witchcraft,” said Taylor Wopper, a KSS sister. “Tasha was always bitching about being the only one in the house who couldn’t eat gluten. I wouldn’t be surprised if she put a curse on our sorority that makes ALL of us gluten-free so our chef would start making more food that she could eat.”

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