UIUC’s own Bromley Hall, residence hall and home of many frat and srat stars in the making, has enacted an official ban on icing out in its eating areas. The ban comes after several claims have been raised about the risks that this campus past time poses on freshman patrons.
Greg Thaler, Director of Bromley’s dining services, praised the new policy, claiming that it will significantly improve the operations of the dormitory’s eating areas.
“It was basically an ice skating rink in here at the height of rush, and with only three dozen wet floor signs, we couldn’t keep up and finally had to say that enough was enough,” said Thaler. “Look, we’ve got a taco bar, not an actual one. It’s about time these kids started chilling out and drinking their beverages like normal human beings.”
The penalty for violating the ban requires offenders to pay a $5 cup charge upon their next visit to the dining hall.
“This is some geed bullshit if you ask me,” remarked Tyler Reagan, a freshman pledging Phi Chi Psi fraternity. “Icing out is a way of expressing myself, and I’m pretty sure the First Amendment of the Declaration of Independence protects that right. Ice, regardless of whether it’s in a cup or on the ground, matters. All Ice Matters.”
Unfortunately, the ban has a few shortcomings. Many students are reporting that their drinks are now too cold for consumption and are searching for alternative ways to get rid of the ice in their cups in a fratty way without breaking the new Bromley policy.
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016