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Career Center to Host Therapy Sessions Preparing Seniors for Inevitable Unemployment

The Career Center, which normally assists students in securing employment after college, has now begun conducting therapy sessions to help students in their last year cope with the harsh realities of post-graduate life.

The director of the center, Dr. Sheila Franklin, hopes that this controversial move will bridge the gap in her center’s services, opening it up to students who typically would’ve been laughed out of it when looking for help.

“Since McKinley’s occupied with the Zika virus, we knew we had to step up in their place to provide subpar therapy services for our students,” Franklin said. “Instead of just helping undergraduates with conventional career paths, we now have the opportunity to comfort those with ones that are too idealistic, highly unrealistic, and sometimes even downright sadistic. If we can’t get these kids jobs, we can at least give them the mental strength to move back in with their parents.”

The assistance comes in a variety of forms, with art therapy being junior Ezra Kahn’s favorite.

“There’s something hauntingly beautiful about gaining relief through the very thing that led me here in the first place,” said Kahn. “Before coming into the Career Center, I always worried about the struggles I’d have trying to find a job as a painting major, but they assured me that there’s zero chance that I’ll have a job next year, so I shouldn’t even bother looking; that’s a huge weight off my shoulders!”

The center also plans to provide several workshops that they think their constituents might find useful. By far the most popular, “How to Convince Your Friends that Gap Decades are a Thing,” has a wait list of over 100 theatre students.

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