Name: Dylan Firth
Twitter Handle: N/A
Relationship Status: Married to a lifetime of a physical fitness.
Fraternity: Delta Upsilon
Boxers or briefs?: Depends on how windy it is.
How many pairs of New Balances do you own?:
How impressive are your limbo skills?:
Not as good as my deadlift.
What sets you apart from every dad in the Chicago suburbs?:
Let me see them do a triple Whip-It.
Suppose your teenage son is on Grindr at the dinner table. WYD?:
Ask if I’m in his profile pic.
Which SpongeBob episode will you make sure your kids watch?:
The one where Squidward is in the fetal position screaming “futuuuuuuure!”
At what age will you tell your kids about your filthy Illini years?:
They already know.
Who’s a sitcom dad you aspire to be like?:
Frank Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny.
Tell us a dad joke:
What did the mother buffalo say to the son buffalo when he was going away to college? Bye, son.
Why do you deserve to be Daddy of the Week?:
I don’t; I deserve to be daddy of the year.
Why should people read The Black Sheep?:
It’s more credible than The Daily Illini.