Unofficial is March 2nd, and professors are already planning how to lecture their students on why they shouldn’t drink before (or, for the bravest souls, during) class. So, should you attend kegs n’ eggs before your morning classes, or just stick it out and get hammered afterward? This week, our editors argue over this age-old question.
Original Pancake: Listen, Unofficial only comes around once a year and is only socially acceptable to attend for like… 5 or 6 years, so I say drink at 6 a.m. on Unofficial! Haven’t you done really dumb shit in college that you never thought you would? Like go to Lion on a Monday night or eat Burrito King for lunch? You might’ve regretted both, but the memories will last forever.
Diego Manischewitz: It’s embarrassing how Illini can’t resist drinking all the time. They came to Lion in droves at 6 a.m. for a meaningless Olympic hockey game! It’s an all-day drinking marathon– why can’t you sacrifice your sobriety for a few hours in Foellinger? You don’t even pay attention to the old geezer talking to you anyway, so what’s it to you? You can still wear your green.
Original Pancake: Sober for a few hours? Could NEVER be me! Yeah, Unofficial is an all-day drinking marathon, emphasis on all day. You’re not doing Unofficial right if you’re not pregaming at 6 a.m. by doing a kegstand with green beer. Plus, like every white girl ever, I’m half Irish, so the tradition of drinking all day without interruptions is just very near and dear to me.
Diego Manischewitz: Green beers and jolly leprechauns are going to be there for you after class. Besides, most students can barely make it to the afternoon after drinking all morning. They end up sleeping for the rest of the day and when they wake up at 7 p.m., Unofficial is over! You can be a smart academic and a smart drinker though, so drink after class.
Original Pancake: Why would I want to be both? We have the rest of the year to be “responsible students,” and even then we still go out the night before exams. Just face the fact that professors know we’re degenerates and they basically expect us to either come to lecture hammered or not come at all. Don’t try to earn their respect when they never had any for you in the first place.
Diego Manischewitz: Many Illini would surprise themselves with their own potential if they just paid attention in at least one class. They’re really milking Naperville Daddy’s lawyer money for these four years; at least do him the justice of going to class for a little and just wait to beer bong after. We drink every single day of the week because of our insane bar culture– when is it enough?
Original Pancake: It’s enough when you find yourself still drinking the same amount as you did at U of I except you’re 35 with a wife and two kids, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, alcoholism is not only acceptable, it’s trendy! Throwing up in your STAT 100 lecture is significantly less frowned upon than throwing up in your important business meeting.
Diego Manischewitz: The less time you’re outside drinking, the less likely it is you’ll get that hefty drinking ticket fine. Throwing up in your class will be the most embarrassing thing you’ll do that morning, and you don’t even go to ISU! I’ll be praying for you.
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