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How to Dumb Yourself Down for Your Community College Friends Over Winter Break

You shouldn’t change yourself for anybody. Unless, of course, you’re surrounded by your useless community college friends over winter break. Being the smartass who barely managed to get out of Naperville and into the decent academic institution that is U of I can be exhausting. And sometimes it feels like these scrubs don’t even understand you. So be nice and dumb it down a bit.

5.) Txt Lyke Dis Wit Ur #Squad:
Making plans to hang with the squad via text? Just remove vowels and difficult words from your vernacular (i.e. never use the word “vernacular.”) Make pop culture references– mention Kylie Jenner’s new makeup line or Kim’s newest butt surgery. So what if it’s irrelevant to the plans you’re making? It shows that you don’t even care about your busy, totally prestigious academic life in Urbana-Champaign; you’re too busy keeping up with the Kardashians! Super relatable to plebs of the community college (and ISU) variety.

4.) Bump Kanye West’s The College Dropout:
When you’re aimlessly driving around your barren suburb with your pals and one of ‘em hands you the aux, you’ll know what to do. Bump that shit loud and scream lines such as: “That major that she majored in don’t make no money / But she won’t drop out, her parent’s will look at her funny.” Ignore the fact that you once wrote a long-ass paper about these lyrics in your advanced-level Hip Hop as Narrative class, which you took at the beautiful university only you got into.

3.) Wear a “Cool Story, Bro” T-Shirt:
Or even better, wear a “Cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” t-shirt. These shirts effortlessly give off that desirable community college vibe– one that says, “I can barely read. I’ve never taken a gender studies course. Yeah, I vape.” Your friends probably already own these themselves, and you can totally bond by twinning in your matching shirts. It’s a great way to pretend like you haven’t been ignoring each other and growing further apart all semester.

2.) Pretend You Have Your Family’s Political Views:
Do you find your family’s political beliefs astonishingly idiotic? Use this to your advantage. Repeat their ignorant political sentiments to instantly appear at least five times dumber than you really are. This is a foolproof way to make it seem as like you haven’t actually been spending your days getting an expensive liberal arts education that directly opposes your new dumb political persona. Just pretend like you haven’t been recently shaped into the free-thinking and rational philosophy major you really are.

1.) Make Vine References:
Yeah, sure, smart people can like Vines too. But community college kids love every single Vine ever made, no matter how dumb and unmemorable. They just have a fiery passion for six-second video clips. Here’s your chance to be totally relatable and repair your crumbling friendships that are on the brink of demise. Slipping Vine references into any conversation is a simple yet effective way to get these kids to like you. For example, say, “Hi, welcome to Chili’s!” instead of a simple “hey.”

This winter break, show your community college friends that they’re not the only ones who have a flawed relationship with academia. Use these tips and dumb yourself down so your friends who got 18s on their ACTs can relate to you.

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