Most people don’t like group projects, but when you’re blessed with sexy people in your group, that changes everything. It’s totally reasonable that you would want to screw those sexy people in your BADM 420 group without the fear of ruining that professional business dynamic. Here are some tips to swiftly hump and dump your entire group, all while landing an “A” and also getting the “D.”
5.) Don’t Tell Them You’ve Had Sex With Other Group Members:
First rule about screwing other group members: don’t talk about screwing other group members. The minute you start talking about how Jeremy was “so nice for bringing cookies to the last meeting,” Seth will immediately know you two did it doggy-style in one of the ACES Library study rooms. Instead, talk shit about Jeremy. He’ll be none the wiser, and you’ll be safe and dicked down.
4.) Bring Snacks from I-57 to Every Group Meeting:
A quickie before creating your group’s PowerPoint will make Steve really happy, but Jeremy and Seth won’t know anything and they’ll still be grumbly. Snacks you can easily pickup from I-57 will make everyone happy, but make sure to cater to everyone’s needs–they’ll be distracted and keep quiet that way. Chips Ahoy! means Jeremy won’t remember the blumpkin you gave him in the UGL bathroom. Seth will be too busy stuffing his face with salt and vinegar chips to tell Steve about the insane shower sex you had with him at Weston. As for Steve, a couple Ho Hos are all he needs to keep quiet about that time he tittybanged you after going to KAM’s.
3.) Only Wear Makeup Every Other Group Meeting:
Guys don’t understand makeup; that’s why they always take girls swimming on the first date. If you show up to one late night Communications Library meeting wearing makeup, and then go to the next one not wearing makeup, they won’t remember who you are. They’ll be confused that this new girl with glasses is here to do the same work that you were doing last week. Your identity will be safe, and so will your nut.
2.) Offer to Do The Extra Credit Paper for the Group:
Just like snacks, extra credit completion will pacify the whiny little boys in your group. It’ll give your group grade an extra boost that it needs, and your group will be happy that they can keep their summer internship with Deloitte their dads got them for Christmas.
1.) Do Your Job, and No One Gets Hurt:
Honestly, if you just show up to meetings and do your part, the guys won’t say anything. Prof. Hathaway will get off on how he orchestrated an “environment of cooperation” in his classroom and how you all grew as individuals because of your semester experience in teamwork. Seth, Jeremy, and Steve will be euphoric after they see their grades after spending the semester getting their dicks wet. And you will be happy knowing you kicked ass, got an “A” and did it all whilst getting your nuts.
We wish you well on your mission. Quietly infiltrating a BADM 420 group project is no mean feat, and if you’re found, it could mean a semester filled with awkward glances in the BIF. Best wishes on a successful semester and get that nut.
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