We can’t explain it, but there’s just something about these Coach Beckman-themed kitchen appliances that just get it, you know? Here are some of our favorite photos of Coach Beckman’s face superimposed onto modern kitchenware alongside some of the beloved Illini football coach’s most quotable quotes.
“Oh, yeah, I microwave things all the time. Been doing it since I was a kid, really. My family’s been heating up leftovers like that for generations, so I guess it kind of just rubbed off on me.”
“Funny thing is that, you know, I’ve always had this inexplicable yearning to know what it’s like to be a toasting bagel. When I graduated from college, I remember telling myself, ‘Timmy, it’s time to decide. Head Coach for a Division I football team or bagel?’ I still wonder if I made the right choice sometimes.”
“The problem with modern refrigerators is that it’s 2015 and there’s still no way to silence the ice dispenser. It’s damn near impossible to pour a cold glass of water during my 3 a.m. Xbox sessions without waking my entire family.”
“You see that gunk in between the bottom two burners? Yeah, that yellow stuff right there? I have no idea what the hell that shit is. It ain’t egg, though. I dabbed it with my finger and licked it once. It’s definitely not egg.”
“Ever wonder how they get all those coffee grounds inside such tightly-packed, mini capsules? I feel like you’d have to have some pretty small hands for that job. I’ve emailed Keurig a few times inquiring about their apparent elven workforce, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet.”
“Honestly, it’s not that hard to bathe in a dishwasher. What, you don’t believe me? I’ll do it right here, fucker. It’s your fault you don’t believe.”