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Freshman Mortified After Noticing ISU Friend Respond “Going” to Unofficial on Facebook

Jackson Piper, a freshman at the University of Illinois, became overcome with dread this week after seeing his annoying high school friend confirm via Facebook that he was coming to Champaign this March to celebrate Unofficial.

Despite the event being over three months and a 30-minute drive away, Tanner Kirk, Piper’s friend and a freshman at ISU, is banking on Piper to give him a place to stay for one of the craziest weekends on UIUC’s campus.

“Jackie Boy and I go way back, so I don’t see why this would be too much of an issue,” said Kirk. “I mean, I came down for Halloween weekend and he didn’t seem to mind me throwing up all over his dorm bathroom at 9 p.m. while we were pregaming. So I clicked ‘going’ on Facebook just so everyone knows I’m hot shit.”

While Kirk has not actually talked to his old pal yet, Piper has assumed the worst, and figures that Tanner will ask to stay at his place once again.

“This isn’t a Holiday Inn, man. I’ve already had to sit through five hall meetings with my goober RA about Unofficial, and they told me they’re going to make me live in Taft-Van Doren if they see any non-university students in my room in Scott over the weekend,” Piper grimaced. “I wouldn’t wish that kind of hell on my worst enemy.”

Yeah, we’ve all got D.A.D.S., just maybe not the kind you were thinking of:

 

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