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Freshman’s Relationship With Floormates Just Not What It Used To Be Three Weeks Ago

FAR resident and freshman James Burton was shocked Wednesday when he realized that his relationship with his floormates just isn’t what it used to be at the beginning of the year.

That is, three weeks ago.

“I just don’t get it,”  admitted a visibly-distressed Burton. “I thought we really had something special, ya know? We did everything together.”

Sources report that even though Burton didn’t share any hobbies, majors, musical tastes, clothing styles, favorite teams, cultural backgrounds, or political opinions with the other residents on his floor, he was still shocked when an invitation to join him for PAR Late Night went unanswered in the floor GroupMe.

“We met at a floor meeting when everyone said their name, major, and an interesting fact about themselves. After hearing their majors, I felt like I had known them all my life,” Burton explained. “That night we went to a party together, and I thought we made a bond that would last forever. I just feel so betrayed.”

Burton’s roommate, Aaron Kowalski, reported that Burton’s last 37 Instagram posts were of the group he called “his boys” at various locations around campus, including Fat Sandwich and in front of Christmas lights at frat parties. However, these posts are now noticeably absent, with only a picture of a lit cigarette and a Drake quote about loss remaining.

“It’s weird, he’s way too upset about this,” Kowalski said. “He ripped down all of the pictures and mementos that he had of them on his cork board last night and cried for an hour.”

Unfortunately Burton’s floormates could not be reached for comment as they were busy with classes, rush events, and RSO meetings.

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