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Gies Business Student Humbled to Accept Position as Mom’s Errand Bitch This Summer

With so many viable options for an impressive internship, finance major, Justin Fogarty, has humbly and eagerly accepted the job as his mom’s errand bitch this summer.

“I literally applied to every fucking internship on Handshake. My resume was probably too advanced for the positions at the Big Four though, so like, that’s fine,” Fogarty explained. ”Running errands shows that I’m a hard worker and an ambitious person for my resume next summer.”

Studies out of the Pew Research Center show that being an errand bitch increase interviews with potential employees the following summer by 10%. Less awkward silences are a key component in feeling as though students have nailed an interview. This perception has no research to support being followed by actually getting a job. However, this is ideal for the confidence increase of an applicant.

Some students haven’t been so fortunate, as their parents obviously love them less and they’ll be a lifeguard for the fifth summer in a row.

“Being a lifeguard has some benefits too. Working here for five years really demonstrates how consistent and dedicated I am to the places I work for. That’s impressive, right?” says Fogarty’s best friend, Justin Mace.

Although loyalty is a characteristic of a potential employer, the characteristics gained from being an errand bitch are exceedingly more impressive. Justin Fogarty will gain experiences that are unattainable for people whose moms won’t hire them, and also humbling enough to shape him into the perfect business man in the future.

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