Let’s be real, no one looks cool going down a water slide. But what if you hit up the CRCE hot tub with your best bros, and the water slide just looks so tempting? Here is how to go down the CRCE water slide and not look like a complete dweeb like someone who doesn’t go to Block while still having fun.
5.) Wear a Top House’s Rush Shirt:
Everyone loves top houses, right? As long as you make it seem like you’re cool, people will believe it. People are stupid. Steal your roommate’s Pike rush shirt and wear it everywhere you go, including while you’re in the pool. Never take off your shirt in the water. Sure, you might get some backlash for going down the water slide, but as soon as people see your shirt, they’ll automatically start respecting you more. At this point, they already forgot you went down the slide in the first place. They’re just mesmerized by your house’s unnecessarily large mansion and status.
4.) Shotgun a Beer While Going Down:
Drinking is cool. Beer is cooler. There’s no way you can let the modest act of enjoying the water slide ruin your street cred and be called a pussy. You’ll have to sneak the brewski, but getting caught by a lifeguard who doesn’t even want to be there is worth the risk as long as it increases your vital reputation. Your friends will think it’s sick if you can shotgun a Natty Light while going down the slide and maybe you’ll have your 5-seconds of fame on a Barstool account if they film it.
3.) Wear a Dolphin Costume:
Remember when there was a mysterious snow penis drawn on the Quad? Weirder things have happened on campus than a dolphin going down the water slide. Plus, no one can judge you if they don’t know who you actually are! It’s the only time in Greek life where you hope there’s not an answer to “who do you know here?” The dolphin suit also acts as a disguise so none of your homies will see you, and disown you for the rest of your college career for going down a water slide like a little school child.
2.) Blow O’s:
Nothing impresses college students more than smoke tricks because they’re immature children. Blowing O’s with the draft of the water slide? Incredible. Not only will you shock your friends, you’ll be picking up chicks at the same time, which is why you joined a frat in the first place! As soon as you get down the slide, girls will continuously keep asking to hit your JUUL and will never leave your side. Have fun getting laid every single day.
1.) Just Don’t Go Down the God Damn Water Slide:
You’re pretty much a grown-ass adult, pull yourself together! You should be embarrassed that you think slides are still fun because they’re not. Remember, there’s nothing more entertaining than being a douche. Forget about the slide, and stick to what you do best; Juuling, and wearing some children’s sized basketball jerseys.
The CRCE swimming area has an undeserved bad reputation. Sure, the pool is only five feet deep, and there’s a creepy Danny DeVito look-alike that’s always hanging out in the hot tub. But, the water slide doesn’t discriminate, and neither should you if you or your friend wants to have some fun and go down it.
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