After a rough Sunday of procrastination, Monday rolls around and you’re ready to get belligerent. Usually, the protocol on Monday nights is Monday Night Lion (and once upon a time, it was Monday Night Joe’s, R.I.P.). But recently, KAM’s has tried to steal the spotlight by no longer charging cover on Mondays. So where should you go on Monday night? This week, our editors discuss this poignant and timely issue:
Original Pancake: Do you know what rhymes with KAM’s? Scams! Sure, the no cover aspect seems promising, but you’ll be paying at least $4 for Blue Guys all night, which is worse than $10 Lion cover with $1 tequila shots. Also, you’ll barely be able to buy the Blue Guys when Chad and his gangly gang of Alpha Alpha Assholes take up the entire side bar because their “boy” is tending.
Diego Manischewitz: Well, well, well(s). Things are about to get very smelly very quickly here. Blue Guys are more widely consumed than the dirty Boneyard Creek water that comes out of our water fountains. You know a drink is good when they’re able to sell it across the country in a can. When has Red Lion made a name for itself other than by embarrassing our school on Barstool?
Original Pancake: Red Lion has so much influence–or pull, if you will– on U of I students that sorority girls have recently begun sporting “Lion” lip tattoos so they can get free cover. Now that’s culture! Do you really think these diehard Lion stans will trek several blocks away to KAM’s where they’ll stand in an even more monstrous line than the one outside Lion?
Diego Manischewitz: Students are willing to wait in line for KAM’s just for the murals! You know standing in front of the Alma Mater and a racist mascot for a guaranteed 200-like Instagram pic is on the bucket list of every Illini. Any picture you take in Red Lion on a Monday night will make you lose your job and more importantly, your dignity. How is Lion worth it?
Original Pancake: Listen, Lion is all about the experience. Photo ops don’t matter in pitch-black Lion as long as you snagged a couple pics at your sorority sister’s flawlessly-lit apartment beforehand. No one looks picture-perfect at MNL, but they can be their authentic selves: vomiting in the women’s bathroom sinks and breaking their shit by falling off tables.
Diego Manischewitz: Tables weren’t meant to be stood on– or fallen off of, for that matter. KAM’s has a slightly elevated surface—the dancefloor– so it’s safe for everyone to grind and raise the roof on. Alumni of the past 50 years wouldn’t rush to Red Lion if they visited on a Monday for a guest lecture; they would go straight to the Home of the Drinking Illini. How about that for a history lesson?
Original Pancake: Just because a bunch of old communications majors have the urge to piss in KAM’s doesn’t mean the rest of us do. Our generation would rather endure death by Tide Pods than by the questionable conditions of KAM’s. Lion as we know it wasn’t around when our parents went here, but I’m sure ma and pa would be bowling over students on a Monday night to do JFK shots at Lion if it had.
Diego Manischewitz: I’d love to know what it’s like to drink at Red Lion, except those frat guys blocking the main bar haven’t moved for six years, so I’ve never even seen the bartender before. At least if you want a drink at KAM’s, you can just shove your money right into an annoyed bartender’s face until they begrudgingly make you something.
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