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Green Street Dunkin’ Donuts Now Charging Cover During Happy Hour


The popular coffee and donut joint Dunkin’ Donuts has announced this week that their store located on Green Street will now be charging $10 cover during their Happy Hour promotion due to excessive demand.

From 2-to-6p.m. each weekday, students are able to purchase a large iced coffee for a mere dollar, a savings of $1.79 from the standard price.

“If I wanted to wait in a long-ass line to get a shitty drink full of ice, I’d just go to Red Lion,” remarked sophomore Georgia Wells. “But if this is what it takes to keep the peasants from jamming up the store, then I can deal with it. It’s not like I have any other choice; I’ve been blacklisted from every other coffee shop on campus because they don’t want to make my venti two-pump caramel, half-pump Hazelnut Swirl latte with two tablespoons of foam and vegan goat milk.”

Dunkin’ Donuts has become the place to be ever since they implemented the cover charge, attracting socialites from the luxury apartments on Green and even the most pretentious liberal arts majors. Some students, like senior Franky Wade, are upset with the cover charge and fear what this means for the future of their beloved coffee shop.

“They’re just social climbing so they can be on the same level as Starbucks and Espresso, but the reality is that they’re lower-middle tier at best,” said a frustrated Wade. “But that’s what I loved about them, man. Sure their products aren’t the most attractive, but they had character.”

If they didn’t want you to drink all 30 beers in one night, they wouldn’t put them all in the same box:


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