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UIUC Freshman Nervous About Who to Ask to Homecoming


Urged by his fraternity brothers, UIUC freshman Dylan Alexander is beginning to look at options for who to ask to Homecoming 2016.


“I thought my days of awkwardly asking girls to Homecoming with a sign that has some ridiculous pun were done when I graduated last year,” Alexander said.


Alexander, a graduate of Naperville Central High School, knows Homecoming is an important tradition to many schools, but didn’t know it was a thing at the collegiate level.


“Coming from my Naperville bubble, Homecoming is more important than Christmas, Kwanzaa and Arbor Day combined,” Alexander said. “So, I have plenty of experience asking the ladies to the big day, but I had no idea this would still be a thing in college. My brother and his friends are really throwing me a curveball.”


John Alexander, Dylan’s brother, started prepping his little bro last week explaining to him all of the traditions he has picked up on from three years in Champaign.


“I basically told him there’s going to be a huge parade that everyone goes to, all students tailgate in Grange Grove on Saturday morning before the football game, and then there’s a huge rager with a DJ and dance floor in the Armory on Saturday night,” John said. “But, the most important thing I explained to that incompetent weasel is that he has to ask a girl to Homecoming – and he should do it soon, in order to get a girl from a top house.”


Dylan became even more nervous when he realized that there were more things to figure out for Homecoming other than getting a date. 


“Where’s the picture house going to be? Everyone lives in a dorm right now, how are we going to have pictures in front of some fountain or lake,” said a worried Dylan. “What about getting to the actual dance? I can’t just walk her to the Armory. Top house girls want limos and stuff like that.”


Dylan’s anxiety heightened when he began seeing his ‘friends’ still in high school begin asking their girlfriends to Naperville Central’s 2016 Homecoming dance this week.


“I didn’t want to be the first person to ask someone at U of I,” Dylan said. “But seeing my high school friends begin asking other people made me decide it was time to make a move.”


According to Dylan’s roommate in Scott Hall, who wishes to remain anonymous due to how embarrassing Dylan is, Dylan knocked on the door of a girl in his hallway that he has seen several times when walking to the bathroom and held a sign that said “We might go to U of I, but it should be U and I at Homecoming! HOCO 2016?” The girl proceeded to laugh at Dylan and slam the door in his face.


“I thought making the kid nervous about something that doesn’t exist would be hysterical,” John Alexander said solemnly. “And it absolutely was.”




Rush is over, but pledging has just begun:


Rush is over, but pledging has just begun:

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