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5 Ways To Let Your Hot TA Know You’re DTF

Classes have begun, and with that means the search for hot tail has begun as well. The hottest spot to get a seat on the bang train is in class, begging the question: How do you know when your TA is DTF? Here’s how you let ’em know: 

5.) Attend office hours regularly:
Go searching for that hot TA in their natural habitat; office hours. All you have to do is act like you’ve never passed second grade. The more stupid you are, the better. By the end of the semester, you’ll become some genius that aced this 100-level class; ultimately boosting the confidence of your hottie. You know what they say: more confidence means better sex.  

4.) Dress like a hipster:
We all know that most of these TA’s are hipsters, so become one of them. Walk into class wearing a scarf so large that you’re gasping for a breath, and a beanie that makes some sort of reference to an alternative band. Shyly walk up to the TA after class and lower your scarf. Tell the TA the nine words he/she has been waiting to hear their whole lives: “I think the Arctic Monkeys original stuff is better.” The TA will then quiver, and it’s back to your place.

3.) Ask for a recommendation letter for grad school:
Ask your hot TA to write you a recommendation letter for grad school. Their eyes will glisten knowing that maybe you’re one of the few undergraduate students that thinks what they’re doing isn’t miserable. Once the TA gives you the letter, say that you’re applying to mostly ivy league schools, and watch them splooge in their pants. You’ll end your night getting lucky, and comparing GRE scores.

2.) Make “let’s bone eyes” at the TA all of class:
To make “let’s bone eyes” to the TA, you must move your eyes in an up and down fashion. The eye movements must be obvious, and crazed looking. If you’re in Lincoln Hall, there are sure to be at least twenty other students doing the same, but yours should be especially noticeable. Continue doing those eye motions through the whole semester, and make your move on the last day of class. Strut up to the TA and throw the books off the desk and yell, “Let’s do this thing.” After a semester of googly eyes, the TA will know exactly what you mean.

1.) Wear a shirt that has an arrow towards your nether region:
The best way to let your TA know what you’re about is to write it on your shirt for all to see. Next to the large arrow pointing down to your party zone, have a fun phrase plastered on. A couple of phrases that might work are, “I’m open for business” or something subtler like, “Hey, fuck me.” This way you avoid all the work beforehand, because the t-shirt does all the talking.

Whether it’s Stats 100, or MCB 450, there will be some hot TA’s you need to impress. There’s only 16 weeks to convince your instructor that you’re a sex cherub, instead of just a senior taking the gen-ed they forgot about.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.

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