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Consistency is Key: Illini Who Binged Netflix All Summer Excited For Next Nine Months Binging Netflix In Dorm

After three months of laying in bed and binging Netflix, Kyle Harris is excited to finally take on the real world once again and binge Netflix in his dorm.

“After what felt like years, the time has come for me to ditch my parents and actually do something with my life,” Harris explained. “It’s not like I wanted to waste my existence rotting in my dark bedroom. I had no other choice since I’ve completely ghosted everyone from my hometown.”

Harris was also unable to find an internship this year, and elected to spend his waking hours devouring Netflix, primarily The Office. “I just finished my fifth or sixth viewing of the series. It gets better every time.”

He hopes to weave himself back into the social fabric, and for this transition to be easy. But, he doesn’t want to rush it.

“Sure, after months of no socialization I’ve lost some of my game. So for right now, all I can think of is kicking back with a Chipotle burrito, listening to the gentle sound of The Office opening credits mingling with the chatter of the bar hordes outside my window, lulling me into a deep sleep.”

At press time, Harris had no friends to comment on the issue.

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