UIUC Semiformal Szn is coming to a close, and the weather is starting to get a bit nippy 😉 With the temperature below 30 degrees some nights, only furthering the theory that this so-called Global WARMING is a myth, you have a choice to make. This week, 2 of our writers argue over whether you should dress risqué at your semiformal, or conservative so you can keep warm?
Thomas ‘Paign: If a fraternity schedules a semiformal in December, then they’re either really, really stupid or a bottom-middle-tier house; most likely both. There’s no reason you should have to be uncomfortable for several hours just to revamp your dying Finsta. So layer up your favorite Patagonia and thick booze jacket…you’ll definitely need both.
Original Pancake: Bottom houses need love too! And what’s wrong with more Finsta content? You bought a nice romper over the summer that highlights your assets, or a pair of slacks that highlight your less-than-impressive dick print, so why not show off? This is all for the Rinsta, and even if your bottom house date couldn’t woo you, the potential future dates sliding into your DMs just might.
Thomas ‘Paign: Why not just get the sexy pictures done at the pregame and change into something warm once you hit the venue. Your followers will be none the wiser, plus you won’t have to worry about taking your frostbitten body to McKinley the next morning. They’d probably just lecture you about how stupid you are, and maybe give you some Robitussin for good measure.
Original Pancake: Your body has been sick so many times at college, with no help from McKinley, that you’re probably immune to most diseases by now. So don’t worry about catching cold while running half a block in heels and a skimpy dress from the bus to Soma or (shudder) Venue 51. At this point, your body’s such a cesspool that nothing can wreck it any further.
Thomas ‘Paign: Ok, there’s a big difference between getting mono from Chad and getting pneumonia, cessy. Your mom wasn’t joking around when she was always reminding you to bring a coat before going out. She is a kind, omnipotent superbeing that just wants the best for her lil’ pumpkin. Make her proud and try not to be loosey-goosey for just one night.
Original Pancake: Okay but your mom was totally slut shaming you by telling you to wear a coat. Remember all the times she told you to hide your sweater puppies in public? Now you’re an independent college hunny, experimenting lightly with your sexuality and fashion sense. Mom might not be proud that 75% of your tits are out at Soma, but as long as the nips aren’t showing, you’re socially acceptable.
Thomas Paign: Moms slut shaming? Color me shocked. Look, I really have no business telling people what to wear, but at the end of the day, I’m going for comfort over couture almost every time. And who’s to say you can’t show off your empowered femininity in a sweater? I think a nice “All Cis-Het White Men Are Trash” pullover would make a major statement.
Original Pancake: I’m already a proud owner of said pullover, and yes, you are trash. However, you’d be less trash if you encouraged everyone to show a little skin at semiformal if they so choose. It’s all-inclusive and liberating for all involved, except for cis-het white men like you.