Campuswide, professors in communication, marketing, and business classes at the University of Illinois make their students create surveys, and ask their peers to complete them. The students then take to social media, sharing the surveys on their personal Facebook walls, “Class of” UIUC groups, and requesting friends and strangers to take their “10-second” survey. Most students ignore the surveys, however, one selfless student has taken it upon himself to complete each and every survey he sees on Facebook.
“I take every single survey my friends and strangers ask me to take. Why not? They always say that it takes ten seconds, even though it usually takes way longer. I’m not too bothered by it, though,” said UIUC junior Martin Smith. “They promise if I fill out their surveys that they’ll be my best friend. How can I refuse that offer? I need friends.”
Recently, Smith’s generous acts have taken an unfortunate toll on his academic performance, and are forcing him to take some time to himself. He has made the decision to drop out of the University of Illinois until further notice.
“I was spending all my days and nights taking surveys, answering never-ending questions about how much I watch Netflix,” Smith sighed. “I stopped going to class. Now I have to go to community college and it’s going to suck. There’s no way those Parkland kids make their own surveys. They’re way too dumb.”
Unfortunately, the surveys that Smith took were anonymous, so many students won’t be able to identify and befriend him like they promised.