After taking L’s left and right throughout the entire semester, UIUC spring break is always the saving grace during every Illini’s college career. Certainly, it allows for a nice change of pace; instead of getting inebriated around acres of corn, students are afforded the opportunity to get inebriated around other plant life, such as palm trees, and marijuana crops. But amidst all the stress, some students may have yet to secure plans. And to those peers, I beckon you to look no further than your backyard; to the city of Gary, Indiana – the ultimate spring break destination.
Perhaps you have some preconceived notions of the city itself, and find this claim to be suspect, to say the least. But, I assure you that I am not some paid advertiser that’s in cahoots with their local government, and to be frank, I don’t think the city would have the funds to pay me in the first place. In reality, I want to inform students of an option that trumps the commonly accepted “7 Hottest Spring Break Destinations to Go to When Jesus Isn’t Watching.” I could go on some long, inspiring rant on making the case for Gary, but I think the facts speak for themselves.
First and foremost, Gary is an incredibly convenient location, as it’s only 30 miles from downtown Chicago. Though it’s twice the distance from western parts of the city, such as Naperville and Downer’s Grove, it’s still a heck of a lot closer than other destinations. Can you imagine if you went to Florida for break, and had to drive over 15 hours back to campus with a hangover damn near equivalent to the one you had after the Cubs won the World Series?
Another great aspect of Gary is how far you’ll be able to stretch your dollar there. As opposed to cities like Los Angeles and New York, everything in Gary is relatively cheap. Indeed, there’s Super 8 motels as far as the eye can see, and if you’re feeling adventurous, you’ll have no problem finding an abandoned building to squat in for several days. And when it comes to break-enhancing drugs, why sell out a fortune for Miami cocaine when you can get Gary’s very own trucker meth for as little as one mildly degrading sexual act?
There’s all sorts of tourist attractions located throughout Gary as well. You may have heard that Michael Jackson’s family hails from the city, so be sure to tour his childhood home and try to forget about the horrible person his father made him become. Afterward, you should head to Miller Beach, which offers scenic views of the Chicago skyline, only partially masked by the dying industrial activity of Gary. If you’re looking for a neat experience, check out the city limits sign, as it’s the only digital city sign in the country to account for the massive population loss that throttles the city daily.
If you’re looking for a truly memorable spring break, look no further than Gary, Indiana. It’s got everything you didn’t realize you were looking for, and will make for an interesting response when your TA inevitably asks what everyone did over break. Worst case scenario, Gary/Chicago International Airport offers flights back into Champaign if you’ve realized you’d rather spend the week in Grainger over anywhere in the state of Indiana.
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