The Chief is racist…or is he? Shockingly enough, UIUC alumni don’t remember our once-beloved Illini mascot mocking Native Americans in any way, and instead looked to him as a source of pride. Founder of the Illini Republicans and UIUC class of ‘45 alumnus Jim Stuart recently claimed in a Facebook post this new idea that the Chief is racist has been caused by the Mandela Effect.
“One day one of my grandkids sends me this video by some fruitcake named Shane Dawson who’s rambling on about something called the ‘Mandela Effect,’ which is a collective misremembering of a fact or event. It got its name because a buncha people remembered some dude, Nelson Mandela, dying in jail when he didn’t,” explained Stuart. “I was critical, but then I realized the Mandela Effect was happening at my alma mater! I, and many other alumni, remember the Chief as not racist and an honor!”
Stuart’s best friend and fellow class of ’45 alumnus, Patrick Hellsinky, ran with Stuart’s Chief Mandela Effect theory in the most brilliant way possible.
“I certainly don’t remember the Chief being racist 50 years ago, and neither does anyone else!” said Hellsinky. “Indians come from India, so I don’t understand how the Chief could possibly offend Native Americans? These pussy millennials! And I don’t think this was just a lapse in memory. The university has planted propaganda that has these students thinking the Chief is racist. Why would our own university do this? Because without a mascot, our athletics are toast, and they’re BETTING AGAINST OUR TEAMS!”
While our students are being brainwashed into thinking our beautiful ex-mascot is “offensive,” and “immoral,” the university is gobbling up their earnings from our losses. Let us cast off the shackles of athletic oppression and Bring Back the Chief!