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‘No, It’s, Like, Actually Pretty Hard,’ And 10 Other Lies To Tell Your Friends About Your Advertising Major

At a school like UIUC, known for its prestigious engineering program and top-rated business facilities, sometimes you feel like you need to catch up a little bit. You’re not a total dumbass, but spent enough time fucking around in high school to be majoring in advertising in college order to keep your ass in school.But when everyone around you is on track to be significantly more successful than you, and they start catching on to your inferiority, you’ll probably want to stretch the truth a little bit about your studies. Here are some ways to be just as pretentious as your friends in the James Scholar Program:

10.) “Being a brand ambassador has given me such important experience”:
Bullying your Facebook friends into signing up for Victoria’s Secret promotion emails, or wearing a Tinder t-shirt to class is, like, kind of the same as working a 9-5.

9.) “It’s such a good way for me to show my creative side”:
While there are numerous innovative and original advertising campaigns and strategies out there, you know that when you say you want to “express yourself” it just means fucking around with Word Art for two hours.

8.) “It’s, like, honestly so interesting to learn about”:
You say to your friend that you’ve been texting on your laptop the entire lecture instead of taking literally any notes.

7.) “No, I’m definitely NOT taking this as a blow-off major”:
While your know-it-all classmates are actually “really passionate about advertising,” and “have been wanting to do this since they were young,” you know that most of the reason you chose this as your fate was so you could get admitted to college.

6.) “I have sooo much homework to do”:
Those weekly 5-point online quizzes can be really exhausting sometimes. Sometimes you have to exaggerate to your friends so you can keep hanging out with them all night at the UGL instead of doing all of your supposed homework.

5.) “It’s just really important to know about integrated marketing communications”:
You definitely don’t know what that means, and it’s likely that the only one who does is that one obnoxious kid that overly participated in your 200-person Intro to Advertising lecture. And he wasn’t even an advertising major.

4.) “It’s seriously, like, such a versatile major”:
You know darn well that if you try getting another job with a mere Bachelor’s in advertising, you will be sentenced to a lifetime thinking about what could’ve been if you had just picked a different major.

3.) “I just really need to work hard now so I can be prepared and get a job”:
You can work as hard as you want in class, and have the best goddamn LinkedIn profile out there, but none of that matters if you don’t know someone with an in. When push comes to shove, the HR lady’s cousin’s boyfriend will ALWAYS get hired over you.

2.) “The career fairs really help me network and give opportunities”:
That one time you ended up going to a career fair, you spent about 10 minutes walking around aimlessly listening to companies advertise for themselves and not actually pay any attention to the students there.

1.) “You have to be so professional and serious”:
At advertising agencies, it’s casual Friday every day. At your internship this summer, you were the most dressed up one there, and you definitely spent more hours getting back into Trivia Crack than you did doing anything professional and serious.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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