Sophomore Meghan Williams has decided she met her future maid of honor last Monday night in the Red Lion bathroom stall. She’s extremely excited for the wedding she hasn’t even planned yet, with her currently nonexistent future husband.
“I am so grateful that God sent me this sign,” Williams said through tears. “I never really knew who I was going to ask to help with my future wedding, but this girl was definitely the one.”
Williams just turned 19 in early September, and this was her first Monday Night Lion. Her sisters are all slightly annoyed with her maid of honor decision.
Danielle Rosenbaum, Williams’s big, is the most frustrated. “I just don’t understand: I’ve held her hair back while she puked so many freakin’ times, and now some random girl in the bathroom stall at Lion does it and she’s special. Why wasn’t I proclaimed her maid of honor during big-little reveal? I literally pulled trig for her. What happened to sisterhood?”
Other girls in her house are feeling the same way, and Williams is overwhelmed by the drama.
“I don’t get why so many people are upset. I made my choice without bias,” Williams proclaimed. “I didn’t even know this girl and she held my bathroom stall door and my hair at the same time? An angel! God definitely wants her to be a part of my wedding. I only have her Snapchat, but we’re definitely getting closer this semester, even if that means I have to go to Lion every Monday night.”
Williams’ wedding is to take place sometime in the distant future with some dream guy she’s yet to meet while shacking at multiple frats a week.
For those interested in becoming Mr. Right, send her a “you up?” text around 3 a.m., and she’ll come running.
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