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Oh Wah Ah Ah Ah: UIUC Student Wearing Surgical Mask Down With The Sickness

UIUC sophomore Caroline Thomas isn’t wearing her surgical mask because she’s ill – she’s just down with the sickness.

Thomas, a longtime fan of Chicago based heavy metal band Disturbed, sat down with reporters last week to discuss her face mask. “I’m not wearing this because I’m a germaphobe or anything,” Thomas said. “I know the general perspective is that people who wear surgical masks are all paranoid hypochondriac’s, but that just isn’t the case for me. I just like Disturbed.”

Thomas claims that after the Warped Tour stopped, it’s been hard to find others who like nu-metal, going to such lengths as having her septum pierced, replacing her entire wardrobe with black clothing, and even getting an upside-down cross tattooed on her arm. 

“The only people that would approach me are emasculated men who sit in coffee shops all day with their typewriters, and all they want is for me to read their poetry about the struggles of being both a man and a feminist,” Thomas said. 

Roommate Jessica Bell confirmed Caroline’s love of the alternative.  

“Oh yeah, Caroline loves her heavy metal. Disturbed, SOAD, Slipknot, you name it. To be honest, I sort of wished I knew that before signing an apartment lease with her. But hey, what can you expect with a random pairing? Everyone’s got their perks.”

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