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Power Ranking Fraternity Christmas Lights That Are Still Up

Christmas is over 300 days away. Despite this, fraternities across UIUC have already begun to get into the holiday spirit… or have failed to get out of it. Whatever happened to the “no lights before Thanksgiving” rule? Here’s a ranking of the fraternities who managed to survive light cutting szn. Enjoy the view while you still can; spring pledges are coming:

6.) Pi Kapps:

There’s some solid decorating around the house, but the majority of the remaining lights are on their letters. It’s a little narcissistic. The holiday season is not about getting your fraternal clout up; it’s about celebrating the birth of the original daddy: our king, Jesus Christ. That and getting drunk off of eggnog and fighting with your extended family about the president.

You receive a 4/10, you vain assholes.

5.) Theta Xi:

Symmetrical, simple, and solid. We’re not impressed, but we’re not not impressed. While this side of the fraternity is decked out, the rest of the structure is lacking. We’re pretty sure their pledge class initiates before Thanksgiving Break, so we’re not sure how those lights were even put up in the first place.

Decent: 5/10.

4.) PIKES:

It looks like they went quantity over quality here. All of the lights look haphazardly strung. Just look at the set of lights dangling off the first floor balcony. If you’re going to do it, c’mon guys, do it right.


3.) Lambda Chi:

Now this is how you decorate a house. Simple, yet effective.  Classy, but not over the top. They are a Christian fraternity, so we were a little disappointed with the lack of a nativity scene.

7/10, a point deducted for no manger.

2.) Phi Psi:

This is the only house on the list whose lights actually function at night, so it was obligatory to give them the number-one spot. Well, the number-two spot. The custom Phi Psi lighting is a nice touch, too. The house is ginormous, but only the front has lights, so we have to take a point or two off.

They even went so far as to hang wreaths too. 9/10.

1.) 202 East Chalmers St. Apartments:

Ok, technically this one isn’t a fraternity. But look at that those lights! We felt that they deserved some recognition for their effort. We mean, they wrapped the lights around the railing. There’s also a couple Acacia flags for decoration, so maybe this apartment complex is one big Acacia senior house. Shout out to Campus Property Management, even if they take more security deposits than they return because they’re on some bullshit.

3/10 for a lack of Natty Lights on the lawn.

An honorable mention for fraternity Christmas lights is Sammy’s. They didn’t put up lights this year, but they still have faux spider webs in their bushes from Halloween; confirming the belief that being SPOOPY is a year-round event. Or maybe those are just real spider webs. Either way, good job, we guess. Basically, everyone here is a loser and no one wins. We hope they throw their Christmas trees and pledge Santas into the trash.

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