With nearly 50 fraternities on campus, the competition for the best-and-not-so-brightest hailing from the Chicago suburbs is fierce for Quad Day recruitment. While some frats are too big to fail like your JP Morgans or Wells Fargos, most are like that car title loans center in that strip mall on the side of town that your mom tells you not to go; barely staying afloat. But, beggars can’t be choosers, and these freebies will be sure to land even Sigma Alpha Eggsuckers a few new pledges.
10.) Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards:
If it was Pokémon cards and the year was 2004, you might meet some good guys this way. But if you come to Quad Day with at least a couple of Blue-Eyed White Dragons, you’ll be able to wrangle up three kids who wore rolling backpacks over their shoulders and sprinted to every class.
9.) LinkedIn Endorsements:
Under normal circumstances this would be higher up on the list, because who wouldn’t want to beef up their professional dick-measuring profile? But even the top tier business frats are going to be doing this so you’ll likely get guys who already have five endorsements for wetting the bed until the 9th grade.
8.) Axe Body Spray:
With this one your frat is likely to recruit a.) 13-year-old boys, b.) guys who forgot to put on deodorant before hitting the Quad or c.) someone whose parents work for the company and thinks that’ll get him laid. At least you’ll have some nice-smelling guys in the house for once.
7.) Neon “Cool Story Bro” Shirts:
Alternatively, something about “Making Me a Sandwich.” We’re not sure when these were ever cool, but same goes for your frat. You’re just going to have to bite the bullet and hope only half of your fall pledge class comes in with cargoes.
6.) Bluetooth Ear Bud Headset:
This encroaches on the business frat turf. Your only hope is for a few freshmen to fail out of their accounting major and switch into economics early enough into the semester to make it to your fraternity’s first ritual.
5.) A 1-Year Subscription to Playboy Magazine:
Not only is porn already free online, but Playboy doesn’t do nudity anymore. But, your frat will be sure to pick up a few weirdos who “just like to read it for the articles” and guys who still have DSL Internet.
4.) Light-Up Fidget Spinners:
Fidget spinners came and went faster than most people who stopped by your frat’s booth on the Quad. But here’s the kicker — they light up. You could snag some cool dudes who fidget spin ironically.
3.) Calculator with “5138008” Already Typed In:
Haha boobies, get it? Of course they get it, you can’t go to college without finishing the 3rd grade. But then again it’s U of I, so some 8-year-old child prodigy could stumble upon your booth. Just think about those alumni donations that’ll come in when he finds the cure to cancer.
2.) An Invite to Your “Brotherhood” Banger:
You invited plenty of girls to your frat castle who just all coincidentally got the stomach flu at the same time, but what the freshmen don’t know won’t hurt them, right? Plus you already had them at free booze.
1.) A Girl’s Phone Number:
You know what these guys have tried (and failed) so many times to get and if you give them some digits, they’re all yours. It can even be your Mom’s number…actually, it’d be especially effective if it’s hers.