Joe’s dance floor is a VERY scary place. You either have the time of your life, or sit in the booths the whole night, sipping on a Baja Blast and watching geeds grind on each other to house music. The worst part of the whole thing are the people who take the stripper poles way, way, WAY too seriously. Here are 7 questions we have for people who actually strip on the Joe’s stripper poles.
7.) Do you hate your mother?:
What would Debbie think of this? She thinks you’re staying in on a Friday night studying, but here you are acting like a hoe, and making everyone feel uncomfortable. You should be ashamed.
6.) How do you sleep at night?:
You basically forced the entire dance floor to cringe at your awkward pole grinding, and you’re okay with that? There is a high likelihood that you are a sociopath if you’re able to fall asleep satisfyingly thinking that you didn’t just ruin everyone’s night.
5.) How many tequila shots did you take before thinking this was a good idea?:
There is NO way any remotely sober person would think grinding on a dirty pole is considered “hot.” It’s understandable, tequila drunk you has a different agenda than sober you. But, that doesn’t make this okay.
4.) Is there a special someone you’re trying to impress?:
All eyes on you when it’s just you and the pole on the elevated surface. With any luck, Joey from Beta Epsilon Phi thinks this is as sexy as you want it to be. Hopefully, while you’re sacrificing your reputation, you’ll get laid in the end!
3.) Are you an engineer major?:
Maybe your built-up stress led you to make this mistake, like you just got a 30% on your midterm and this is how you’ve decided to cope. Getting inebriated is a common way to handle the trauma of a hard major, but that doesn’t mean you have to make an ass of yourself in front of the entire Joe’s dance floor.
2.) Are you a senior is high school visiting a friend?:
When it’s the first time you’re at a bar, it’s understandable that you want to make a huge scene so people know you’re definitely not still in high school. Getting the attention of a college boy might be an exciting thought, but there are better ways to do this than pretending like you’re a full-time stripper. You should re-evaluate your preparedness for campus bars, because you’re clearly not ready for the big leagues.
1.) What’s your body count?:
It’s either zero, or fifty. You’re trying to get laid for the first time (because you don’t want to be the virgin of your friend group anymore), or you lay pipe like it’s your day job. Either way, getting a STD from the nasty pole is absolutely NOT worth it.
No matter what the reason, stripping publicly at Joe’s should never, ever be a considerable thought. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, for the sake of your reputation and the well-being of others, please just don’t do it. In this case, no excuse is a good one.