T-Pain is coming to perform at Spring Jam 2018 this Sunday and if you were alive during 2007 like the rest of us, you’ll remember that T-Pain was the 5th most popular artist in America, behind Soulja Boy and Sean Kingston. You’d never miss this concert, but now you’re faced with a moral question: should you regress to your 2007 self for this T-Pain concert or be a mature adult in 2018? The two editors argue it out:
Diego Manischewitz: Do not regress back to your acne-filled self from 2007. Do you remember what life was like in 2007? Everyone totally got stuffed in a locker by the jocks like a bad high school movie! You’ve finally become confident about your weird mole, so why would you purposefully go back to 2007 because some guy that sounds like a robot is coming to sing?
Original Pancake: First of all, T-Pain is a robot by choice. He wasn’t born a robot. If you’ve ever seen the video of T-Pain without autotune, you’ll know that he’s only partially robot, and the rest of him is pure TALENT. This man’s un-autotuned voice impregnates me whenever I hear it. But remember those better times when we didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant? Let’s go back to 2007.
Diego Manischewitz: America has come a long way since 2007; why would you want to go back for those two or three T-Pain songs you liked? 2007 was a time when all your daddy’s money started to go away because of The Big Short. I would explain what I mean, but I still don’t quite understand how the economy works or what that movie was about. T-Pain belongs in the past!
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Original Pancake: 2007 was a better time. It was actually before the inevitable housing crash of 2008, also known as The Big Shortage. 2007 gave us so many gems, including, but not limited to: “Crank Dat (Soulja Boy),” “This is Why I’m Hot” by Mims, and “I’m a Flirt” by R. Kelly. Although, that last one hasn’t aged well. What’s not to love about 2007 hip-hop?
Diego Manischewitz: Two words: Yung Joc. That was 2007 hip-hop. T-Pain’s worst career move was featuring the youthful joc on his song, repeatedly requesting to buy people drinks. He’s an awful example for college students trying to save their money even though they’re already in debt. Letting him perform on our grass sets an awful precedent.
Original Pancake: It’s no problem of T-Pain’s that Joc is both young and spry! Another reason we should go back to 2007 is that no one bothered to spell properly. T-Pain’s hit songs look like texts you sent from your Nokia phone in 7th grade, like “Buy U a Drank,” “Booty Wurk,” “I’m N Luv,” and “Chopped N Screwed.” Now it’s 2018 and we have to use proper pronouns and grammar?
Diego Manischewitz: Yes, we have to use proper pronouns and grammar because we’re adults now. Time to pay your taxes, because those taxes you paid for are funding T-Pain’s little recital on the Quad. In 2007 I bet you didn’t even know how taxes worked because your lemonade stand was shit. Do you got money in the bank like a croaking Pain claims he does?
Original Pancake: Ok, I’m brave enough to admit that I still don’t know how to do taxes, and I’ll bet good tax money that you don’t either. What’s your rush to grow up? You act like you haven’t been listening to the same 2007 hip-hop songs for the past 10 years. Stop lying to yourself; music peaked in 2007 because 9/11 made hip-hop artists emotional.