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Report: One Night Stand With Psychology Major Not Even That Kinky

The stigma that all every psychology major is a nymphomaniac was debunked this weekend. At least, it was for Tim Denver after a one night stand.

At press time outside his dorm, Denver confirmed with reporters the less than spectacular event.

“Such a letdown,” said a visibly despondent Denver. “I spent $30 on drinks for that?

“All the telltale signs were there: Her parents owned a horse ranch. A horse ranch! She has horses. Plural. I mean, within 15 minutes of talking to her, she went on this crazy tangent about when she was 14, she had cut her own hair in her school’s bathroom because she thought someone had made fun of her bangs behind her back. We left the bar together, and, well…That was about as vanilla as it gets,” Denver explained.

Denver’s roommate, Ben Newton, confirmed Denver’s disappointment of a night.

“You really hate to see it,” Newton said. “I got a text from Tim to leave the room around midnight. No big deal, he hasn’t really gotten lucky this year. I brought my laptop with me, figuring that I would be gone for at least an hour and could knock some homework out, but fifteen minutes later I got the all clear to come back.”

To prevent further disappointment again in the future, Denver has since sworn to sticking with hooking up with girls guaranteed to hate their fathers: TPUSA members.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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