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Russian Standard Vodka Review

Do you want to feel as powerful as Vladimir Putin and as glam as Michael Flynn? We’ve got the booze for you. A bit classier than Skol or Svedka (and definitely Burnett’s), this vodka will make you feel like the bougiest bitch in town. Or like you’re in the KGB. Pretty cool! Here’s our Russian Standard Vodka review.

 Grade: B

Smells Like:
The breath of your Eastern European friend’s dad. He needs a mint.

Tastes Like:
Watered-down Burnett’s. Boring, but so fancy.

Typical Drinkers:
– President Donald Trump.

– Some half-Russian freshman trying to “get in touch with his roots.”

– The Entire US Government, probably.

– Dudes who went all out for their bro’s birthday by just buying anything but Burnett’s.

– Only the bougiest of students! (i.e. those who can afford to spend an extra $5.)

– High schoolers who steal alcohol from their Slavic parents.

– Grown men who wear furry hats.

User Comments:
– “Should we just get Svedka instead?”

– “Cука блять.”

– “Let’s go all-out tonight…”

– “I feel like, so cultured right now.”

– “Long live our Soviet motherland.”

– “I’m still sober. Sad!”

Best Described as a Drink Superior To:
Any shit vodka you regularly are willing to ingest. Thus, its smooth flavor will have you drunk in a flash; you’ll be talking as incoherently as Trump in no time.

Pairs Well With:
Like, a disgusting sandwich. Or pierogies and shit if you’re really committed.

What’s It Like Drinking Russian Standard Vodka?:
Russian Standard Vodka drinks you. Is that joke format still funny? It wasn’t ever, huh?

Where to Cop?:
Exclusively sold in Siberia, the White House, and your campus liquor store.

We Mixed It With:
A hammer and sickle, with an orange spray tan lotion garnish.

Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast with Twitter’s @Rad_Milk!

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