CHAMPAIGN – Biting his nails ferociously amidst the jamming of his laptop’s F5 key, questionably graduating senior Derrick Miller has been watching in prolonged horror as his DARS report continuously failed to update. Just a week and a half away from graduation, speculation arose that Miller’s study abroad course approvals from last semester sure are “taking their sweet-ass time.”
“It’s just like, what are they even doing, you know?” questioned Miller as he was placed on hold during his frantic, daily call to the Study Abroad Office. “I mean, how hard is it for the Australian grade system to transfer over to the one over here? They spoke English in Melbourne, so just give me the goddamn ‘B’. I don’t care anymore!”
After following the usual American study abroad experience involving Miller haphazardly attending class betwixt day trips to other parts of his host country and the prospect of perpetual day drinking with Erasmus students, the senior communications student fears that his course approvals won’t be processed in time for him to walk alongside his fellow classmates before departing for the unemployment line. While it’s customary for abroad course approvals to take months to process, Miller’s struggle is a case lined with extra hardship given how lazy the approvals themselves have been acting.
“Believe me when I say that the bratty and irritated students have the absolute least amount of work to worry about with this whole godforsaken process,” lamented Study Abroad Office advisor Brenda McMillon. Honestly, we’d have these international grades processed within minutes if it weren’t for the approvals just dilly-dallying about. No, seriously, I called up Miller’s approvals just the other day, and they still gave me the usual, ‘oh, we’re still converting,’ excuse bullshit.”
While both Miller and the Study Abroad Office further strain their maligned relationship by sitting idle at the hands of the passive course approvals, the approvals themselves don’t seem too concerned about the whiney senior’s debatable on-time graduation. In fact, most of their time spent in the offbeat outer-reaches of international cyberspace are spent actively complaining and taking pride in their delaying of Miller’s completed transcripts.
“Honestly, we’re kind of on this whole ‘you snooze, you lose’ philosophy right now,” explained Miller’s course approval for Australian Digital Media—or CMN 300, the student hopes. “We figure that, since abroad students don’t really take the time to ever study us during their experience, we just like to reciprocate the favor. Plus, like, do you have any idea how hard it is to be mailed back electronically overseas in this day and age? Like, mega hard, you don’t even know, dude.”
It’s also apparent that both of Miller’s other course approvals, including Influences in Australian Communication and Australian Modes of Conference in the Post-Digital Age, also share similar sentiments in taking their sweet-ass time before being properly converted and transcribed for the American education system. Rumors have arisen that the latter even intends to purposely fail its own approval due to “a lack of a corresponding UIUC course or something like that.”
“I just don’t understand why it takes so long to get these done,” further bemoaned a tragic Miller. “Had I known they were going to take this long to process, I would’ve submitted these approvals at least two weeks ago. Don’t they understand that my graduation is on the line? Ugh.”