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Should You Join Orange Krush?

In the middle of the Illini football season, naive freshmen are tasked with deciding if they should join Orange Krush, the student section for men’s basketball games. The prospect of the new middle-aged, out of shape coach might be convincing enough for students to join the Krush. However, Illini sports are still Illini sports, and 2005 was the last time the basketball team was good. This week, our two editors duke it out and decide if Orange Krush is worth joining.

Original Pancake: Why not join The Krush? Also, yes, it is certifiably cooler to call Orange Krush “The Krush,” much like Dwayne Johnson is better as The Rock. If you’ve attended Block I for so much as a single game as a dweeby freshman, you owe it to the superior Fighting Illini basketball team to show up to the student section. A bonus is that Orange Krush is indoors, so no one will swoon from the summer heat like at Block I.

Diego Manischewitz: No one in their right mind should join the Orange Krush. Do you really want to be part of a club that named themselves after a sugary soda pop for nine-year-olds and sometimes you when you’re high? No thanks. If you want Illini to join a student section named after a pop, call it Coke.

Original Pancake: Hey, if you want to powder your nose in the bathroom before showing a little school spirit, be my guest! It can only make you more hyped for the surprisingly adequate Illini basketball team and their new, non-bald coach. Brad Underwood is certainly a brawny improvement from John Groce.

Diego Manischewitz: Underwood looks like the mean gym teacher from The Simpsons that yells, “Bombardment!” and hits children with dodgeballs. Skittish freshmen in Orange Krush will not be able to look directly at frightening Underwood for fear he’ll try to recruit them to ROTC. Also, why even bother rooting for the current team? They’ll lose, but they won’t quite lose like we did in 2005.

Original Pancake: Okay you’re missing the glaringly obvious fact that a terrifying-looking coach is exactly what our team needs! Lovie Smith looks like he’s trying to let a fart out at a business meeting, but making sure it doesn’t make much noise on its way out, and that’s why we lose. With an intimidating coach like Underwood, a previous used car salesman, we will win.

Diego Manischewitz: We both know that after this season, Underwood is going to go right back to being a used car salesman. Also, it’s hard to believe a normal student would want to join Orange Krush when they know games are on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Say goodbye to Cly’s Wine Nights and maybe getting laid!

Original Pancake: Yeah they’ll probably get laid, but will it be sloppy and regrettable? Absolutely. If you join Orange Krush, you’ll greatly lower your chances of waking up in Bromley next to a solid 3. Tuesdays are understandable, but who even goes out on Wednesday nights besides me?

Diego Manischewitz: Who wouldn’t want to wake up in Bromley? Their beds are bigger than any of the twin beds most students on campus have to sleep on. You’d be stupid to spend money on an Orange Krush membership, because most of those games are going to be free anyway when the university realizes they can’t fill up the State Farm Center.

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