Regardless of your opinion, shower sex is a reality on college campuses across the nation, and U of I is no exception. We’re getting a bit steamy with this week’s debate, where two writers have a heated exchange on the merits (and lack thereof) of banging in a Six Pack shower. You’re going to want to shower by the end of this one.
Jungle Fever: There’s literally not even a debate here. Sex is enjoyable anywhere, anytime, even while listening to Jessica from room 419 sing along to Jason Derulo in a five-by-five concrete stall while water (amongst other things) sprays in your face.
Thomas ‘Paign: Well I think the only person who’d argue with you on the first point is Brother Jed. But going around banging in showers is absolutely disgusting, especially when you’ve got a spring-loaded mattress just a few doors down. Have some respect for your floormates and yourself for Christ’s sake.
Jungle Fever: It’s not disgusting as long as you take full advantage of the situation to multitask and clean off whatever drinks you spilled on yourself the previous night. I’ve heard the loofah can reach some good spots, too. As for those obnoxious floormates who sound like they’re trying to summon the devil every time they bump uglies with their PSYC 100 TA, they can wait three extra minutes to take their shower.
Thomas ‘Paign: While you may be able to get Chelsea’s Exorcist-esque vomit from Wine Night out of your hair, you’re likely to come into contact with all sorts of other filth. You don’t know what kind of things your neighbors are doing in there, and I bet if you took a UV light to those showers it’d look like a crime scene of a brutal murder.
Jungle Fever: Exactly. If your neighbors are in there ticklin’ their pickle, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t bring a friend in there to help get the job done! But please keep the lights off, because you know all that makeup is melting off with all that steam in there.
Thomas ‘Paign: A dorm shower is not an acceptable venue for some kind of free-for-all orgy, contrary to what Brazzers might have you think. Plus, how can you really get in the mood when you’ve got some kid a dozen feet away squeezing out the most colossal dump of his life? Unless you’re in to that kind of thing…
Jungle Fever: I’m not saying these are ideal conditions, but you gotta do what you gotta do to shake things up a little bit. Besides, wouldn’t you rather just experience the ridiculous porn-style sex instead of paying $29.99/month to just watch it? But if you’d rather stay in missionary, that’s your problem. I’m yawning already just thinking about it.
Thomas ‘Paign: If you really wanted to kink things up and keep your dignity at the same time, you could just Amazon Prime some spice to your love life right to your door. Why put up with the nastiness of a bathroom when you can just get a sex swing? And you bet your ass I can’t wait for 50 Shades Darker to come out.