“I love recruitment!” sorority girl, Becky Schultz, exclaimed to what seemed like the hundredth potential new member on Tuesday night.
In reality, recruitment for Becky had been quite the letdown.
“Freshmen aren’t funny. I’ve laughed at so many of their stupid jokes to the point that I don’t even know what genuine laughter feels like anymore,” Becky said through a seemingly genuine smile. “I am not okay.”
Becky is not alone. According to the University of Illinois Department of Psychology, it has been reported that 9 out of every 10 sorority girls have developed dysmorphic euphoria caused by fake laughter.
Professor Dr. Budz comments on this phenomenon.
“So much forced joy is not natural for the wellbeing of any person. I plead to the Panhellenic community–please stop these forced outburst of laughter before you ruin true happiness for these young women forever.”
When Schultz is not practicing her fake laughter and smiling, she finds herself staring blankly at a wall. “Is this joy?” she is often overheard pondering aloud.
Her roommate, Hillary Worthington, is getting increasingly concerned of Schultz’s condition.
“We knew things were getting out of hand when she starting laughing at her tinder matches pick-up lines. Those are never funny! Please help our friend,” Worthington begged.
“I still love recruitment! I get 60 new sisters, along with a joyless existence. Worth it!” Schultz said.
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