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Sorority Girl’s Instagram Followers Relieved They’re No Longer at Risk of Accidentally Donating to IlliniThon

During this time of year, most U of I students know at least one student involved in IlliniThon. One of their main tasks is to raise money “for the kids” (aka FTK) in order to gain more praise by their fellow IlliniThon peers. While some philanthropists choose to rattle change #FTK in an empty thermos outside of KAM’s, others have gotten more creative through social media and people are starting to fall for their tricks.

“I was scrolling through Instagram stories one day and while clicking through pictures of the Quad and Espresso Royale lattes I saw something that made me want to delete Instagram forever,” said sophomore Kameron Michaels. “I was centimeters away from clicking on a poll to agree to donate five whole dollars ‘for the kids’, do you know how many tequila shots I could buy with that? What the hell was that?”

No reasonable UIUC student wants to donate their cover money to the kids, and once IlliniThon members realized this they plotted their next plan of attack.

“Once I realized I could trick my Instagram followers into raising money for the kids through the new poll feature, I knew I hit a jackpot,” explained IlliniThon president Becky Williams. “Since Instagram polls show you exactly who voted for what and everyone is clicking through stories quickly anyways, we have a perfect way to guilt people into donating. It’s what charity is all about!”

Since IlliniThon’s “Big Event” is tomorrow, U of I students can continue to mindlessly scroll through Instagram stories like Williams’ free of the fear of being harassed on Venmo for donation money after this weekend.

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