Project MKUltra, otherwise known as the CIA mind control program, was a series of experiments conducted on human subjects between 1953 and 1973. However, newly-leaked CIA documents published by WikiLeaks in earlier this month reveal that the experiments never ceased. In fact, the leak details the reached our very own campus by utilizing an unsettling string of notes produced by the South Quad bell tower. These notes, when strung together, might activate dozens of MKUltra sleeper agents in a frightening display.
Jude Butler, a UIUC liberal watchdog who emerged as a campus leader in the dark times of the Barack Hussein Obamacare years, knew exactly what was going on. Below is his report to our correspondents:
“So here’s how it’s going to go down, the CIA’s ‘adopted’ children will be sent to these underground reprogramming facilities. The children will then be brainwashed, and tasked with the annihilation of the University of Illinois when they hear the notes of the South Quad bell tower. These liberal parasites are out here eating our brains and destroying an American institution just so they can get away with their communist agenda.”
Thanks to Jude, it has become clear to TBS that the CIA has it out for the Illini and is taking our sacred, holy silver bells hostage. The bells used to be the soundtrack of our depression, but now it’s the battle cry. When you hear the bells, be ready to fight the sleeper agents.