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Spring Break in Cabo Just Worst Aspects of Red Lion

Hundreds of UIUC frat boys and sorority girls are heading out to Cabo next week for spring break. However, past vacationers warn about the destination and its similarities to Red Lion.


“I was pumped to go to a typical sorority girl destination for spring break because it’s something it’s basically required of us,” said UIUC junior Becky Jones. “But, in Cabo, I paid way too much for watered-down drinks, and I swear I even paid $10 cover to get into the club!”


Unfortunately for one frat bro, the bathrooms in Cabo weren’t anything he wasn’t used to at Red Lion.


“So, I went to go break the seal in the bathroom and I see eight dudes standing around a urinal,” said UIUC junior Colton Davis. “It was the exact design of the Cocktagon! I was pissed. Why would any architect think it’s a good idea to design a modern bathroom like this?”



The warnings from Greek life’s past, however, won’t stop Illinois junior Steph Mann and her sisters enjoying what Cabo has to offer.


“So what if Cabo is like Lion?” said Mann. “In Cabo, I can still wear a children’s size basketball jersey and shove anyone at the bar who I want with absolutely no consequences.”


It’s been reported that Cochrane Properties is looking to acquire the Cabo clubs to add to his Champaign bar and apartment monopoly.


WATCH: For some, spring break is about partying on the beach. For others, it’s about wallowing in despair:


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