With Halloween just around the corner, people have been searching for a thrill that can top the clown paranoia that has been sweeping the nation. As a result, students are coming in droves to visit the basement of Kam’s, reporting a sense of great fear while there, despite the venue undergoing no decorative changes for the holiday.
“It’s something right out of a horror movie,” reported Veronica Sparks, a freshman at the University of Illinois. “The lingering stench down there is like a graveyard, but instead of bodies it hosts the dying dreams of our student body. And the horde of pasty-skinned, coked-out frat stars resembles the ghosts and zombies you’d regularly find in a haunted house.”
The terror it’s instilled in college-aged students has landed the basement among the “Top 33.7 Super Spookiest Places in Illinois”, according to totally reliable and not-at-all-horrible source, The Odyssey. As a result, even students from ISU have even been making the trek to Champaign since the beginning of October to witness the horror for themselves.
“I had no idea what I’d be in for,” said Fred Rogerson from ISU. “But by golly this even topped my usual trip to Monday Night Joe’s! I’m not even mad about having to pay $5 cover to get in on a Wednesday night; it honestly adds to the experience. It’s all I ever talk about in my advanced finger painting class back at school, and it’s really got me excited for trick-or-treating with my mommy this year!”