URBANA – Trying to forcefully crack a smile for the fourth year in a row, Illini mother Debbie Callaghan has been dragged to yet another lame Horticulture Club flower show by her purportedly lame daughter, Sandra. The Callaghan matriarch expressed her pent-up disappointment under her breath, accepting that her chances of going to a campus bar to drink margaritas like a normal mom had been squandered.
“I just thought this year would be the year, you know?” lamented a somber Mrs. Callaghan when her daughter wasn’t looking. “I figured the whole ‘not being 21’ thing was the only bit keeping Sandra from taking me out to Joe’s, Lion, Bro’s… even Murphy’s for crissake, was it really that hard?”
On several occasions, Sandra would look behind her and ask if her mom said anything, to which Mrs. Callaghan quickly darted back with a “nothing, sweetie!” before slumping back into her sober stupor.
Mrs. Callaghan mockingly went on to predict the rest of the weekend’s festivities, which would involve leaving the flower show to eat at Subway, walking around the Quad aimlessly, talking about how classes are going and, in finding out that they are “going good” as always, end with the sorely dispirited mother leaving a full two days early.
“If I see another budding petunia or batch of white tulips, I’m going to fucking snap,” dreaded Mr. Callaghan as she secretly finished her cigarette outside of both the garden and her daughter’s sight.
Following the flower show and an awkward hug goodbye, Sandra let out an exasperated yet accomplished sigh.
“Oh, sweet Jesus, it’s over,” panted the youthful Callaghan before getting ready for Haus that night. “I’ll never understand why my mom wants to see that stupid flower show every year. I hate being that student who has a mom like that…”