Most UIUC students start the year telling themselves they’ll go to the ARC and workout everyday, but we all know that’s not going to happen. When you get lazy and would rather binge watch Rick and Morty and eat Wingin’ Out, give these excuses a try:
10.) You Need Your Cracked Breakfast Burrito:
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and Cracked is the most important breakfast place at UIUC. If you didn’t snag that $6 egg burrito this morning, there’s no way you’ll be able to jog on the treadmill for 30 minutes.
9.) The New ARC Machines Are Too Nice:
Instead of finishing construction on campus by the Union or making Taft-Van Doren habitable, UIUC spent money on new machines in the ARC this summer. It’s just plain rude if someone like you who doesn’t usually exercise spends time on these beautiful machines.
8.) You Haven’t Read Your PSYC 100 Syllabus Yet:
There’s no class more important to your overall success this semester than PSYC 100, and you’ll be light years behind in the course if you don’t thoroughly read the syllabus. You can’t waste time in the gym when there’s a syllabus that needs highlighting.
7.) It’s Rude to Ask Your Bumble Hookup to Leave:
She sent you a dog GIF on Bumble and the two of you ended up sharing a magical night. Don’t be that guy that asks her to leave at 7 a.m. so you can drink Muscle Milk and do squats.
6.) You’re Hungover From Karaoke Night at Firehaus:
Karaoke night is always a lit time, especially when you’re the eighth person in a row to sing “All Star.” All those Fishbowls seemed like a great idea last night, but now there’s a good chance you’ll yak on the ARC basketball courts.
5.) Real Men Don’t Use Ellipticals:
Have you ever seen a real man on elliptical? Absolutely not, so you can’t go to the gym and only use the elliptical, which is what you do.
4.) There Are Too Many Freshmen at the ARC:
All those freshmen from Naperville that are used to Life Time Fitness are disappointed by the lack of amenities in the ARC, but still rise and grind in the gym everyday. You can’t associate yourself with those naïve youths, so you can’t go to the ARC.
3.) You Need to Go to Office Hours:
Your STAT 100 professor has the craziest office hours this semester: 2-4 p.m. every Tuesday and Thursday. Coincidentally, those were the same hours you had planned to hit the ARC. Since you need those extra credit points in December, it’ll be a wise decision to ditch the gym to brown nose your professor today.
2.) You Don’t Know the CUMTD Schedule to the ARC Yet:
Since you moved to a new place on campus this year, you need to learn the 120N schedule. You’ll have to download the app and find out what stop you’ll need to be at, all of which is too much effort just to work out.
1.) You Don’t Have Time to Shower Before Going to Squirrel Watchers Club:
Workouts that end with sweaty frat tanks and empty Gatorade bottles are the best workouts, but they should also end with a shower in your apartment. With less than an hour until Squirrel Watchers Club, you’ll never have time to shower after going to the ARC!