Moms Weekend is right around the corner, and if you’re having trouble getting with a mom, here’s some help so you can at least put one down. You can’t crash and burn every single time, right? Right?
10.) “Yo Momma’s So Dumb She Thinks UGL Stands for ‘Underground Library’.”:
A lot of idiots think that since the library is underground, the U in UGL must stand for “underground.” But everyone at U of I, even the visiting naïve high school seniors, can tell you that it’s definitely the Undergraduate Library.
9.) “Yo Momma’s So Fat She Looks Like a Quad Squirrel in the Peak of Winter.”:
This winter was unseasonably warm and the only convincing explanation for that is that Russia’s been messing with our weather again. But in general, the squirrels on campus are thicc as hell during January and February and you’ll be sure to do some damage with this joke.
8.) “Yo Momma’s So Fat She Got Stuck in the ARC’s Revolving Door.”:
The ARC’s revolving door is intimidating as hell. A mom’s got to be pretty juicy to get stuck in this bad boy. Not that she’d be going anywhere near a gym in the first place.
7.) “Yo Momma’s So Ugly She Couldn’t Even Get Laid at Wine Night.”:
Cly’s Wine Night is the place to be for anyone who’s trying get their sloppy nut. Pretty much everyone gets laid because cheap wine gets people horny as hell for no good reason.
6.) “Yo Momma’s So Smelly She Makes Grainger Smell Like a Flower Garden.”:
While we have a world-class engineering department full of many bright individuals, many of them still can’t comprehend the concept of deodorant. Grainger is home to many of these types, and boy do they stink up those sacred halls.
5.) “Yo Momma’s So Dumb She Flunked STAT 100.”:
STAT 100, the introductory statistics course at U of I, is notorious for being the easiest class on campus. You could literally go out the night before a 9 a.m. exam and probably get at least a B on it. This mom, though, is something else; a special kind of stupid.
4.) “Yo Momma’s So Ugly Alma Closes Her Arms to Her.”:
The iconic statue on the corner of Wright and Green is famous for her outstretched arms, greeting thy happy children. But when this mom walks by, Alma wants nothing to do with her and shuns her instead.
3.) “Yo Momma’s So Ugly People Would Rather Watch Illini Sports than Look at Her.”:
Between our disappointing football and basketball seasons, Illini sports aren’t a pretty sight. If you unload this one on some mom, it’ll definitely sting. At least she’ll be too stupid to get the joke.
2.) “Yo Momma’s So Fat She’s the Inspiration for the Fat MILF.”:
It’s big, disgusting, and just the sight of it might be enough to make you vomit. Fat Sandwich’s Fat MILF or some disgusting mom? But what makes the joke that much worse is that you put the image in the victim’s head of you plowing their gigantic, fat MILF of a mom.
1.) “Yo Momma’s So Dumb She Makes Visiting ISU Students Look Like U of I Students.”:
This is your nuclear bomb and you best only use it as a last resort. Something so demeaning and hurtful could really mess a mom up.