Monday Night Lion was so lit. The DJ was totally playing all your favorite songs and you got just the right amount of drunk for Lion (aka you were trashed beyond belief). More good news is that a boy was buying all of your drinks, so you’re actually not bankrupt this morning. The even better news is that you got laid! Unfortunately, this means you have to trek back to your place on a Tuesday morning in broad daylight. Here are some outfits to rock on your walk of shame through Frat Park, looking flawless while doing it:
5.) The Classic: Just leave as you are. It’s a classic look. Move with more agility by carrying your heels from the night before. Why did you even wear heels to MNL? Your confidence will convince bystanders that you totally didn’t just shack. There’s no way a shacker could walk with such confidence. For bonus points, tie your hair in a bun. It just screams, “I’M IN A TIME CRUNCH, DO NOT DISTURB ME.” That’ll force them to advert those judgmental eyes.
4.) The Incognito:Lucky you! Your hookup has bestowed upon you a sweatshirt that you should definitely never return. Bonus points if it contains his Greek letters. There’s a catch, though: you didn’t wear pants last night. Don’t worry, because now you’re rocking an effortless sweatshirt dress. The booties from the night before make it look even more purposeful. No one will be able to tell you were shacking. You are the essence of incognito.
3.) The SUPER Incognito:An advanced version of incognito is the SUPER incognito. No one will recognize you. This is a look for the pro shacker and should only be used after some experience. Put your sweatshirt on backwards, and your lack of vision will act as a cloak of invisibility. Remember this classic shacker tip: if you can’t see judgemental people, they can’t see you! Cut that negativity out of your life in an efficient way.
2.) The Step Up Slut:When you hook up with a guy who values his sweatshirts and shirts more than his pants, you end up with this look. You’ll probably think that you actually look kinda cool, like a dancer from the movie Step Up. Just go to class and turn heads. It’s not because you look like a shacker. It’s because you look like a hip-hop icon.
1.) The Disguise:Are you a shacker or are you an athlete? After being bestowed with both basketball shorts and a top, no one will ever know! It’s morning, so just pretend you’re an athlete on your way to the ARC. The only dead giveaway is that you could only find one of you shoes. Maybe you’re a different kind of athlete that doesn’t need shoes, like a water polo player. Onlookers don’t know, and that’s part of the fun with the disguise.
You lost your dignity and one of your shoes, but you will not lose Frat Park’s Next Top Model! Strut your stuff down this grassy runway and own your inner hoe. Fellow shackers are sure to follow your newfound fashion trends.