There’s nothing like DIY glory holes to spice up your academic-oriented life. Is it legal? Probably not. Is it worth the majestic and mysterious load you’re about to swallow in the UGL bathroom during a study break? Probably not. As your resident sexperts who are definitely NOT virgins, The Black Sheep took it upon ourselves to present you with the naughtiest bathrooms for DIY glory holes on campus.
7.) BIF Bathroom:
Attire for this glory hole is business professional, and if the other participant’s resume and/or cock is less than impressive, the proper response is yelling “You can apply on our website!” while sprinting out of the stall and down the hallway of the BIF.
6.) The Church on The Corner of Armory and Wright’s Bathroom:
Ever wonder why everyone stands outside the church smoking cigarettes? Those are post-sex smokes, because a well-kept secret is the church is actually glory hole central. Keep in mind while forming your glory hole that only anal and oral are allowed, because everyone knows that’s the sex that God can’t see.
5.) Altgeld Hall Bathroom:
Do you enjoy sucking mathematician cock to the sound of deafening bells playing Hedwig’s Theme? Altgeld, with its wooden doors, marble floors and inescapable old person musk sets the mood for a sexy, midday romp. How much can you cum in Altgeld? The limit does not exist!
4.) Grainger Library Bathroom:
If the Graingerbator can get off by himself here and face no consequences, you can certainly get off with someone else. The Grainger bathroom is the Holy Grail for grease-laden engineers with backpacks intact to jack each other off until they can almost taste how much money they’ll have in five years.
3.) UGL Bathroom:
Looking for inexperienced freshman dick in a dingy underground setting? Look no further than the bathrooms on the silent floor of the UGL, where outwardly terrified but inwardly horny students will be forced to listen to your moans. The on-location Espresso Royale allows you to take much-needed caffeine breaks throughout your 24-hour service.
2.) English Building Bathroom:
Graffiti littering the walls of the bathroom stall such as, “Not all those who wander are lost” and “My ex is a douche, text him at 708-332-9998” are enough to get anyone with a creative mind as wet as the brook Ophelia drowned in in Hamlet. A quick bang in the English bathroom will help you momentarily forget you’ll probably have to move back into your parents’ house after graduation.
1.) ARC bathroom:
This is the best place for a glory hole if you’re looking to somehow contract cauliflower ear and a staph infection during a sweaty blowjob. If you want the jizz in your mouth to smell vaguely of Optimum protein powder, get off your lazy ass and get on that elliptical dick. A helpful tip: incorporate interval training into your fellatio in order to burn as many calories as possible.
So what are you waiting for? Grab your toolkit and a gallon of lube and start strategically placing your glory holes for some good, old-fashioned fun! Don’t forget to post your creations on Pinterest so others can admire your crafting.